Polyamory is based on the idea that you can be in love with more than one person.
Tonight, there’s a mix of people trying out polyamory for the first time and others who are deep in the scene. The organisers have strung up some lanterns and laid some rugs. If you’re keen on someone by the end of the night, you tick a box next to their name and if they’re also keen on you, the organisers match you via email. I sit down to listen to Dave and Tim muddle through some chat about dreams.
The group are split up and given icebreaker topics - what do you dream about? “Forget the topic, do you have a partner here tonight? Tim tells Dave he’s fresh from a time in his life when he was doing a lot for other people, like running university groups.
So when you know that your relationship is only between the two of you and not really affected by the fact that there’s another relationship going on it’s easier to cope with someone dating someone else.”Laura says opening her relationship was not about sleeping around.“It’s a commitment.
It’s not just ‘I’m having sex with 15 people’ it’s ‘I’m having a relationship with two people - full time.’Eliot, who organised tonight, says he hopes poly people will increasingly go straight into relationships on their terms, rather than messing their way through monogamy first.“I didn’t get into it the clean way, I got into it the dirty way,” he says - referring to cheating on past partners.“That’s history now but I did hurt people and I’m not proud of that.“I think what we are trying to change about the world is to make clear the option so that when people start having relationships they understand that there is the opportunity to start out poly rather than be trapped in the monogamous narrative and be uncomfortable and be wanting to have more relationships,” he told “There will probably come a time when the polyamorous narrative will threaten the monogamous one where people will be like ‘I just want to have my one partner and be happy with them, why do I need more? But if you aren’t diving straight into poly, how do you have the conversation with your current partner?
Each pair sits down and gets to know one another, or “date”.